I was thinking today that don’t know what all nineteen year olds get to do, but in 2002 I celebrated my 19th birthday in March while I was in my 3rdmonth of pregnancy, six months later I was burying my daughter. I got pregnant at eighteen and it never crossed my mind that I would not get to see this child grow up and be happy, instead of picking out the perfect layette I was picking out the perfect coffin and tombstone. She was a beautiful child born with blonde hair and blue eyes and the perfect little birth mark under her left eye. The nurses called it an an angel kiss. She was beautiful. Even the day she died when she was swollen due to kidney failure she was beautiful. At that point all her organs had begun to shut down, and she was dying. She was my daughter and she was dying. Sedated and unable to say good bye she was dying. While other nineteen year olds were making decisions like what to wear out that night or whether not to stay with their boyfriend. I had to make the decision to let my little girl go and I signed the paper work to let her go and be taken off life support because I didn'twant her to suffer anymore or die from suffocation from the fluid forming around her heart and lungs. So what do I have now. Just a headstone to visit.
Life has been rough for me. Losing my daughter Hope Marie wasn't the only terrible event in my life but it was definitely the worst.
What did I do toady? I got a pedicure and ran three miles. I have the marathon tomorrow so I am being very careful with my training and not wanting to have any more blisters on my feet.
Food: I ate 1 cup of organic strawberry yogurt, some banana chips, a handful of almonds and the rest of my pasta vegetable salad.
Exercise: Ran 3 miles preparing for the marathon tomorrow
Good Deeds: My good deeds have not worked out well today. I couldn't clean my friends house and I was going to mow my Dad'd yard but it has rained all day. I am not shirking the need to help some one I guess I will have to collect this one and do two tomorrow.
Work on my book: Worked for an hour and almost finished chapter 9.